He has a Dream: in honor of Martin Luther King Day

*Larry is one of my favorite students. Big and smart, he saw the world in a slightly different way. He started medication for ADHD in kindergarten and it worked wonders for his attention and his ability to keep from stroking the tresses of every long-haired girl in class.  When the principal praised his improved behavior, this five year old replied, “Thanks, I’m going to put you in my band.  What instrument do you play?  You can’t play the drums.  I’m playing the drums.”

Now he is in the fourth grade.  The stimulant dosage was slowly increased.  His academics were above grade level, but social skills did not follow.  As the school psychologist, he spent some time each week working with me.  He was the only student on Ritalin that continued to be significantly overweight.  He developed what appeared to be a tic. He licked his lips and rubbed his shoulder against his cheek until the skin was raw and inflamed. We had him use creams, a chew bracelet (lost and found on a regular basis), behavior plans and rewards.  I wondered if the medication was a contributing factor. Then came the week the red scabs faded to pink and then his skin returned to normal. 

I spoke with his mom.   “What happened, what worked?” 

“It’s the Marines,” she said. 

“Marines”? 

She continued. “Larry is fascinated with the military, especially the Marines.  He’d like to be a Marine some day.  I have a male family friend, Stan, who is spending time with Larry, and Stan told him that Marines don’t act like that and that he had a bad habit he needed to break.  Stan also told him that his mom was like his commanding officer, and he had to speak more respectfully to her.” 

“Wow,” I said.  “How nice that Larry formed a friendship with a Marine.” 

“No,” she replied.  “My friend’s not a Marine.  He just used that analogy because he knew that Larry wanted to be one.  Frankly, I’m not thrilled.  I don’t like the thought of Larry carrying a gun.”

I’m thinking that he will play the drums in a Marine marching band. 

So, after all those “interventions”, this is what works.  Local male bonding (His dad lives far away.), and a love of the Marines.  His mom and I will be talking about how to use this interest and their friend to promote more social behavior.  Time to put aside my schedules of reinforcement, my arm chair hypotheses, and pause to appreciate the power of friendship and having a dream.

*This is a pseudonym.  In any comments, please keep identifying information confidential.